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Sometimes you have to go to parties that you know you aren’t going to enjoy. Pete and Liz were just leaving one of the worst parties that Pete had ever been to. It was 2am, he was sober as he was the one who was d! riving, and Liz was pissed as she was the one who wasn’t. It would be about an hour before they got home and 5mins into the trip bored with Liz’s drunken slur.
 
Pete was annoyed by the slurred conversation coming from Liz; she had certainly not avoided getting drunk, and did his best to ignore her as they drove along. Eventually she fell silent and he figured she had finally fallen into a drunken slumber. Pete soon became aware of the fact Liz was actually awake, and making the kind of small noises she usually only made at certain other times.
 
Liz had her skirt up around her waist and her blouse unbottoned, her right hand was inside her panties and her left was tweeking her nipple. She looked at him and said "well, you were ignoring me and I got lonely". He felt sorry for her, he shouldn’t have ignored her, so he gave her a little attention.
 
This may have been the original plan, but as Pete watched her from the corner of his eye it became apparent that she was now enjoying the events for herself. Her legs were spread wide, and she was pulling her panties away from her tight little pussy with her left hand. Three fingers of her right hand were flashing in and out of her cunt hole, making wet sticky noises as she groaned in a low voice.
 
Pete loved the smell of Liz’s pussy, he could smell her from where he was sitting, it wasn’t a bad smell, but it was obviously the smell of sex. Between glances Liz must have done some quick work on herself, the next time Pete looked over she had three fingers deep in her pussy, she pulled them out and licked the juices off of them.
 
As truckies do, when her pulled up beside Pete’s car, he looked over hoping that he would see a nice pair of legs or some cleavage. He saw a shaved pussy, getting fucked by a coke bottle and a pair of tits that belonged in a mens magazine. The gu! ys at the depot would never believe him.
 
Sure enough, the truck came along side of them and as truckies do, he looked over at the car beside him. He saw what every truckie dreams of, he saw this beautiful young woman with her legs spread, pussy on show, shoving three fingers in as fast and as hard as she could. Liz knew that there were now two rock hard cocks within 10ft of her.
 
Liz giggled, and squirmed across the cockpit to undo his pants. She eased his hard, throbbing cock out of his pants and began to suck on it with greedy slurps. Pete did his best to keep the car in a straight line, and almost ran them off the road a few minutes later as his hot cum burst from his balls and Liz greedily swallowed it down.
 
Pete blew his load into Liz’s mouth and looked over to the truckie who had his head back but was still looking at the super wet pussy that belonged to Liz. Liz sat up and turned to the truckie, opened her mouth and let some of Pete’s cum drip out onto her breasts. The truckie must have cum just after Liz did this as the truck slowed and pulled over, lucky it was 2am.

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The invasion of the Penisheadrians

 
Fear no fellow human there is still hope, but even now the horror that is the penis headed aliens are slowly taking over our workplaces, buck’s nights and 21st’s. They appear normal until such a time as the sound of merriment echoes through the streets At witch point they come out to take their place as the life of the party, these are the Peninheadians.
 
Often when one Penisheadian if found soon others will appear it is this aspect of there presence that causes fear and merriment of the human species, once men have come in contact with a Penisheadian they themselves desire to become one.
 
To accomplish this prospective Penisheadian’s will scour the world for there own Penisheadian mask but unless they visit there local adult store then they will be doomed to fail, and wonder the world forlornly longing to join there friends. For it is within the adult store that the required headgear can be found and acquired.
 
What to do if you see a Penisheadian:

 
Do not apply fermented beverages to a Penisheadian as there small mouth opening means that without a cylindrical drinking aid their small lips prevent them from consuming the desired volumes of said beverages, without spilling it and causing even more humour to there cronies and new found friends
 
Where ever groups of Penisheadian’s gather disorientation can occur, due to the lack of distinguishing facial features means that they have trouble recognising themselves from one another. To prevent this name badges are advised as this reduces embarrassing incidents of misrecognition
 
Don’t stand between a Penisheadian and a cameras as the presence of this device near a Penisheadian causes them to find themselves posing for shoots to remember the night for years to come.
 
If you or someone you know has fallen to the Penisheadian’s menace don’t fear the joy and happiness that they experience and bring to all that they meet and the good memories that they will bring can only spread the invasion across the world.

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The KegelMaster for the ladies

Instructions for the use of the Kegelmaster

Before Starting -Due to production techniques used in the manufacture of The KegelMaster 2000TM, minor imperfections may be present. Please look over The KegelMaster 2000TM and if any imperfections are detected, don’t worry these can easily be smoothed out by using the smooth side of an emery board.

Note: It is recommended that you empty your bladder before use.

Grab Your KegelMaster 2000TM and your KegelGlide 2000 lubricant and let’s get started! Start by using The KegelMaster 2000TM with only one spring on the rear pin located just in front of the hinge.

To begin Simple close your KegelMaster 2000TM with your hand and tighten the knob on top in order to hold it closed. Making sure not over tighten! Now relax and lay down on your back, with your head resting on at a pillow and bend your knees while keeping your feet flat, about two feet apart.

Make sure you have lubricated the vaginal area with a water soluble lubricant and the unit has been lubricated with Kegelglide 2000. Now position The KegelMaster 2000TM, with the knob up.

We are now ready to insert The KegelMaster 2000TM Place the KegelMaster 2000TM between your thighs. Insert the unit into your vaginal opening (Note: the KegelMaster 2000TM is only to be inserted approximately three inches). until it is firmly in place. You will notice that the KegelMaster 2000TM feels smaller when it locks into place.

Grasp The KegelMaster 2000TM firmly. You are now ready for your initial adjustment!! This is done by turning the knob at the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM counterclockwise - until the knob is no longer touching the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM or until it is slightly uncomfortable. Not to worry, this discomfort is your muscles being put under tension so that the contraction exercise can proceed.
 
Note: If the knob is not touching the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM and you don’t feel any pressure from The KegelMaster 2000TM putting resistance against the vaginal muscles, then you will have to add another spring. If you have the right tension, squeeze down against The KegelMaster 2000TM. If you are easily able to close down with your vaginal muscles completely for thirty closings, remove the unit from your vagina and change the position of the springs, moving forward one pin.

Adjusting Tension to accurately close The KegelMaster 2000TM during the exercise. If you are still easily able to close down The KegelMaster 2000TM all the way, for thirty closings, then you must move the spring forward to yet another pin.

If you find that the single spring is on the front pin and you are still able to easily close unit all the way, for thirty closings - after insertion, then you must move the single spring back to the rear pin (1) and add a spring to the next forward pin (2), then repeat the process. The ideal spring tension is determined by one’s ability to close unit completely at the beginning of the exercise but becoming unable to close it completely at the end of 30 closings. This eventually will not be hard to do and it’s a lot of fun to see how many of the springs you can squeeze for 30 closings, having difficulty with the last five.

Maximizing Your Sequences and Sets(you can never overwork the vaginal muscles). The exercise sequence starts with 3 sets of 30 closings daily. With each rep you attempt complete closure of The KegelMaster 2000TM, pausing between each set of 30 closings for 15 seconds. It is recommended to work up to 6 sets of 30 closings a minimum of 3 times a week. If an individual chooses, they may do as many sets and closures that they feel comfortable with. Your goal is to fatigue the muscle until there is very little movement.

Louise Servage works at the kegelmaster a business focused on helping women with incontinence and getting there life on track visit Kegelmaster Australia this second.