Archive for August, 2008:
Pete and Liz Fuck again
Posted on Aug 31 2008Pete hates being the only sober person at a party, it was a party that he didn’t want to go to in the first place. Usually he gets drunk at these types of parties to make them bearable, but he couldn’t this time, he had to drive home. Pete is a man who loves to have a drink, but it is 2am, he’s driving along a deserted highway, and he has a drunken girlfriend as a passenger. He wasn’t in a good mood.
Pete did his best to ignore her, concentrating on the road. Finally Liz stopped talking, Pete was hoping that she was asleep, but on looking over at her he saw that she was doing her best to put ! him in a good mood. She was taking her jeans off and unbuttoning her blouse. He spent more time watching her than the road.
He had only taken his eyes off her for a second to look at the road, and in that second she had managed to get three finger deep into her sopping wet cunt, and with the other hand she was sqeezing first one then the other nipple. Pete was a bit lax when it came to cleaning out his car and Liz reached down onto the floor and f! ound a plastic Coke bottle.
He glanced over at her every now and then so that he could watch her as she masturbated, he would never ignore her when she is in this kind of mood, and his mood began to improve. Liz took off her shoes and put her feet up onto the dashboard of the car, spreading her legs wider, allowing the lips of her cunt to spread. Liz was so wet that she was dripping cunt juice onto his brand new seat cover, but he didn’t care.
Pete loved the smell of Liz’s pussy, he could smell her from where he was sitting, it wasn’t a bad smell, but it was obviously the smell of sex. Between glances Liz must have done some quick work on herself, the next time Pete looked over she had three fingers deep in her pussy, she pulled them out and licked the juices off of them.
As truckies do, when her pulled up beside Pete’s car, he looked over hoping that he would see a nice pair of legs or some cleavage. He saw a shaved pussy, getting fucked by a coke bottle and a pair of tits that belonged in a mens magazine. The gu! ys at the depot would never believe him.
Liz put the Coke bottle in her other hand freeing up the hand closest to Pete and undid his fly, taking his cock out and began stroking it. She knew that the truckie was doing the same thing as his truck made a little swerve.
Liz reached over to Pete and undid his fly, she took his cock into her mouth and began to give him a long slow head job. Making sure that her skirt wasn’t covering her ass, she stuck her ass up in the air so that the truckie could get a good look at her cunt while she was sucking on Pete’s cock.
A few traces of sticky cum dribbled down her chin, and she used a free hand to mop it from her face and then lick it from her fingers. She smiled up at him and asked "Hey baby, are you still mad at me?"
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The invasion of the Penisheadrians
Posted on Aug 29 2008
Fear no fellow human there is still hope, but even now the horror that is the penis headed aliens are slowly taking over our workplaces, buck’s nights and 21st’s. They appear normal until such a time as the sound of merriment echoes through the streets At witch point they come out to take their place as the life of the party, these are the Peninheadians.
Often when one Penisheadian if found soon others will appear it is this aspect of there presence that causes fear and merriment of the human species, once men have come in contact with a Penisheadian they themselves desire to become one.
To accomplish this transformation a prospective Penisheadian will search the local area for there own Penisheadian mask but unless they visit there local adult store then there life will be incomplete and they will long for the life they can’t have. For it is at these stores that the required headgear can be found and acquired.
What to do if you see a Penisheadian:
The consumption of fermented hopes is not advised unless the Penisheadian process a drinking straw as their small lips prevent them from consuming the desired volumes of beer, without spilling it and causing even more humour
Where ever groups of Penisheadian’s gather disorientation can occur, due to the lack of distinguishing facial features means that they have trouble recognising themselves from one another. To prevent this name badges are advised as this reduces embarrassing incidents of misrecognition
Caution don’t stand between a Penisheadian and a camera as the presence of these near a Penisheadian causes them to uncontrollably find themselves posing for shoots to remember the night for years to come.
If someone you love has given in to the urge to join the Penisheadian’s invasion don’t fret, the joy and happiness that they experience, and the good memories that they will bring can only spread the invasion across the world. And perhaps you to will join the invasion.
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The KegelMaster for the ladies
Posted on Aug 22 2008Kegelmaster Instructions
Before Starting -Due to production techniques used in the manufacture of The KegelMaster 2000TM, minor imperfections may be present. Please look over The KegelMaster 2000TM and if any imperfections are detected, don’t worry these can easily be smoothed out by using the smooth side of an emery board.
Note: It is recommended that you go to the toilet before use.
Grab Your KegelMaster 2000TM, and your KegelGlide 2000 lubricant and lets get started! Start using The KegelMaster 2000TM with one spring on the rear pin just in front of the hinge.
Now close the KegelMaster 2000TM with your hand while tightening the knob on top to hold it closed. Warning, do not over tighten your KegelMaster 2000TM! Simply lay down on your back, with your head resting on a pillow get comfortable and relax, Now bend your knees while keeping your feet flat and about two feet apart.
Now position your KegelMaster 2000TM, making sure that the knob is up and lubricate has been applied to the vaginal area with a water soluble lubricant and Kegelglide 2000 has been applied to the unit.
We are ready to insert The KegelMaster 2000TM Place The KegelMaster 2000TM between your thighs. Insert the unit into your vaginal opening until it is firmly in place. You will notice this when The KegelMaster 2000TM feels much smaller when locks into place. Note: The KegelMaster 2000TM is only inserted approximately three inches.
Grasp The KegelMaster 2000TM unit firmly by the handle. You are now ready for your first adjustment!! This is done by turning the knob at the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM counter clockwise - that is until the knob is no longer touching the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM or until some discomfit is felt which ever occurs first. Don’t worry; this discomfort is your muscles being put under tension so that the contraction exercise can proceed.
Note: If the knob is not touching the top of The KegelMaster 2000TM and you don’t feel any pressure from The KegelMaster 2000TM putting resistance against the vaginal muscles, then you will have to add another spring. If you have the right tension, squeeze down against The KegelMaster 2000TM. If you are easily able to close down with your vaginal muscles completely for thirty closings, remove the unit from your vagina and change the position of the springs, moving forward one pin.
Adjusting Tension on during the exercise to the accurately close KegelMaster 2000TM. If you still find it easy to close down all the way on the KegelMaster 2000TM, for thirty closings, then you must move the spring forward to yet another pin.
If you find that the single spring is on the front pin and you are still able to easily close unit all the way, for thirty closings - after insertion, then you must move the single spring back to the rear pin (1) and add a spring to the next forward pin (2), then repeat the process. The ideal spring tension is determined by one’s ability to close unit completely at the beginning of the exercise but becoming unable to close it completely at the end of 30 closings. This eventually will not be hard to do and it’s a lot of fun to see how many of the springs you can squeeze for 30 closings, having difficulty with the last five.
Maximizing Your Sequences and Sets(you can never overwork the vaginal muscles). The exercise sequence starts with 3 sets of 30 closings daily. With each rep you attempt complete closure of The KegelMaster 2000TM, pausing between each set of 30 closings for 15 seconds. It is recommended to work up to 6 sets of 30 closings a minimum of 3 times a week. If an individual chooses, they may do as many sets and closures that they feel comfortable with. Your goal is to fatigue the muscle until there is very little movement.
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